Filling Your Cup

There are things you experience that make you feel excited and full of life.  Notice what they are and prioritize them regularly.  Fill your cup enough to share. 

Love Wish List

A woman that I look up to a lot, not only because of her sweet and loving personality, but also because of her success in love, marriage, children, and her career, recommended I write a love wish list.  She said it was what she did just before she found her husband.  They have been married for over 30 years, have three amazing children, and are a great team together.  

I took her advice and had fun creating this exact Love Wish List on July 20th, 2011.  I started dating my husband 10 days later.  No joke.  It's a fun exercise.  Give it a shot!

My Love Wish List (Qualities of My Ideal Partner):

• Loyal
• Loving
• Great with AJ
• Laughs at life
• Affectionate
• Intelligent
• Funny
• Open Minded
• Confident
• Sexy
• Handsome
• Attractive to Me :)
• Caring 
• Inventive 
• Family-Oriented and Focused
• Motivated
• Dedicated
• Handy
• Friendly
• Provider and Guardian
• Sweet
• Masculine
• Strong
• Steady
• Spiritual
• Honest
• Responsible
• In Service to Others/Charity Work
• Successful
• Wants a Kid or 2
• Enjoys a Close Partnership with Me
• Gets Along Great with My Family
• Stays Connected with Me Throughout the Day
• Great Communicator
• Patient
• Happy
• Witty
• Pampers Me
• Romantic
• Treats Me Like a Lady
• Thoughtful
• Ready for Me
• Available
• Local
• Shares Everything with Me (Willingly, No Secrets)
• Hard-Worker
• Goal-Oriented
• Adventurous
• Spontaneous
• Takes Me Out - Eat, Fun, Trips...
• Buys Me Jewelry
• Mature
• Fun to Be Around
• Understanding
• Adores me
• Silly
• Cuddly
• Independent
• Honors My Boundaries
• Makes Things Happen
• Eager to Learn
• Committed to Our Relationship and Family

Highlights of Stealing Fire

This book was an intriguing journey through achieving states of peak performance and experience. 

Ecstasis

Ecstasis is a state of mind that is described as being in “the zone”

• Plato described ecstasis as an altered state where our normal waking consciousness vanishes completely, replaced by an intense euphoria and a powerful connection to a greater intelligence.
• In this state, the conscious mind takes a break and the subconscious takes over. The conscious mind is a potent tool, but is slow, and can only manage a small amount of information at once. The subconscious is far more efficient. It can process more data in shorter time frames.
• As this occurs, a number of performance-enhancing neurochemicals flood the system. These chemicals amplify focus, muscle reaction times, and pattern recognition.

There are four signature characteristics of ecstasis (STER): 

• Selflessness – inner critic goes offline, get out of own way, expanded thinking
• Timelessness – sense of deep now, temporal processing energy is reallocated to focus
• Effortlessness – pleasure chemicals propel us past our usual limits of motivation
• Richness – our brain’s pattern recognition abilities amp up opening fresh perspectives 

Why It Matters

·        People have been found to be up to 500% more productive in these flow states.

·        The information richness of a non-ordinary state affords perspective and allows us to make connections where none may have existed before.  We can see more pieces of the problem we’re trying to solve.

The Four Forces of Ecstasis

Accelerating developments in four fields are providing greater access to and understanding of non-ordinary states of consciousness.

• Psychology – We have a better sense of our own development and, with it, the space to move beyond a socially-defined identity.  Clearer frameworks and data-driven models help navigate formerly obscure terrain.
• Neurobiology – Advances have clarified our understanding of what is happening in our brains and bodies when we experience a range of mental states, clarifying the mechanics of transcendence. Now, more than ever, we understand the knobs and levers being tweaked in the brain to obtain optimal states of consciousness where we feel our best and perform our best. Stress chemicals are replaced by performance-enhancing, pleasure-producing compounds.
• Pharmacology – By treating the six powerful neurochemicals that underpin ecstasis as raw ingredients, we’ve begun to refine the recipes for peak experience and can access them on demand. Mind-altering substances deactivate key parts of the brain including the default mode network (“ego disintegration”) and create highly synchronized connections between far-flung areas of the brain (“mind expansion”).
• Technology – Bringing access to scale, experiences can be shared by huge groups, generating more data, and firmer conclusions with much less risk. Innovation provides wider and safer access to altered states.

The Sandbox of the Future

Non-ordinary states can heighten trust, amplify cooperation, and accelerate breakthroughs, fundamentally disrupting business as usual.  We can speed learning, facilitate healing, and provide measurable impacts in our lives.  Organizations like the Navy SEALs and Google utilize these developments to take a different approach on high performance and pursue ecstasis with a degree of precision that was not possible even ten years ago.  Throughout history, there have been attempts to “steal fire” and reach these states.  Finally, we can kindle the flame ourselves.

From the book: Stealing Fire - How Silicon Valley, the Navy SEALs, and Maverick Scientists Are Revolutionizing the Way We Live and Work by Steven Kotler & Jamie Wheal

Conscious Capitalism Conference 2018

Last week I attended the Conscious Capitalism Conference in Dallas, Texas.  It was bigger than ever with more than 800 attendees.  It's nice to see the movement growing.  This was my second time attending.  Its an enlivening event.  There are activities that engage you in learning and growing, a great group of people attending there alongside you, and a lot of inspiring content to take in.

I loved all of the presentations I saw.  There were some common themes with an overall essence that inspired/reminded me:

• Be present and show up in your daily actions.  Emotions are contagious.  Be aware of the climate you create in the room.  When your nervous system takes over, pause and reset.  Listen for possibility.  Resonance expands energy; dissonance reduces it.  Ride the wave of life force energy.  Spread beauty and grace.  
• What you pay attention to expands.  Quantum physics proves this at a molecular level.  Consciously focus your attention on strengths and solutions with questions and curiosity.  Let go of the minor things you find stealing your joy.  Pay attention to what you want more of.  Think of your attention like a ball of light.  
• Brilliant ideas come when you're relaxed.  Play is the highest form of research.  Capture your genius ideas down when they are incomplete.  If you can't think of a win/win/win, you haven't been creative enough.  Geniuses are just people who get better reception.
• Never give up.  Failure is commonly found on the path to greatness.  Learn, grow, and try again.  When you want something bad enough, the world conspires to give it to you.

A few presentations were truly unforgettable.  These speakers were charismatic and had a powerful story to share.

Shawn Achor opened with a bang.  He is a happiness researcher who is full of energy and zest.  He shared a ton of interesting content on happiness.  I highly recommend checking out a podcast.  Three key points were unforgettable:

• Happiness is the joy you feel when moving toward your potentional.  
• We all have mirror neurons that connect our brains wirelessly to each other.  We co-process the world and are interconnected.  When we are in sync with each other, our success rate rises dramatically.  We literally shine brigher as a connected community.  Positive patterns of gratitude deepen optimism and social connection.   
• When we run into challenges, we all feel that they are much easier to face when we don't feel that we have to face them alone.

Chad Houser told his story of opening up Cafe Momentum.  His restaurant is run by young men and women that are released from juvenile hall.  He runs a 12-month paid internship that teaches them all jobs in the kitchen and guides them through a process that sets them up to be hired after it's over.  He helps these kids empower themselves through hard work and determination to be able to lift themselves out of a vicious cycle.  I could literally hardly hold it together after he was done.  He's remarkable.  Check out this video:  The Cafe Momentum Story

Shawn Nelson is the creator of Lovesac.  He shared his idea of "Designed for Life" which is a framework meant to inspire innovation by challenging companies to create better so that consumers can buy less.  His sactionals are amazing.  Check out this video: Designed for Life: The Lovesac Vision.

The content that I connected with most was during the chapter leaders pre-event on Sunday.  Danny Friedland, MD went over the triune brain and how it impacts us every day.  He explained that there are three main parts to the brain and it's natural to oscillate between them throughout the day.  Everything that comes in is filtered through an automatic process that constantly seeks to confirm safety.  The opportunity/challenge we have is to notice when we're in the lower levels (fragmented and reactive) and lift ourselves up to a cycle of creativity by recognizing it and choosing to shift from safety or identity to solutions/action.  He encouraged us to be mindful and pay attention with a sense of openness, kindness, and curiosity for whatever is arising in the present moment.

I love being able to bring this back into my day to day and looking at everything from a renewed perspective.  Although I came back to a very full inbox and several things piled up to deal with, I felt 100% present in each of them and had expansive ways of looking at "processing" them.


This content is blended and inspired by the following people: Michelle Kinder, Shawn Achor, Danny Friedland, Michael Gelb, Deval Patrick, Chad Houser, Jeff Sinelli, David Emerald Womeldorff, Selim Bassoul, Suzy Batiz, Ed Freeman.

Happiness from the Inside Out

I've always been a people watcher.  As a young girl, I openly looked at everyone I came in contact with, wondering, "who is really happy?"  I often found that many people carry a great deal of stress.  Some people have a great time with life, even through its most difficult challenges.  I noticed that those who are happiest overall aren't richer, more beautiful, or better off.  They accept things as they are, have a sense of humor, and roll with changes.  And they don’t let the hard times keep them down.  Feeling truly happy is not achieved by accomplishing something.  It is a part of your character. 

Characteristics of those who are most consistently happy:

·        Recharge Regularly.  Prioritize whatever 'fills your cup' and fuels your soul in your daily life.  If you have haven't found your passion, notice what feels replenishing and fulfilling for you.  Find out what gives you a deep sense of purpose and drive.  When you know this and carve out time for it, you genuinely vibrate at a higher level and have extra energy to share/invest.  So if this isn't your case, enjoy the journey of uncovering it.  Just keep following your curiosity and allow your heart to guide you.  

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"

·        Have a Positive Outlook.  You have been able to get through every challenge you've faced up to this point.  Everything you need is within reach. Try your best and be kind to yourself when you could have been better.   If you "fail," learn and grow.  Small steps forward can help resolve root issues to create a great impact to many.  So get up and dance with life.  Let go of fear.  Get out there and help create the pathway.  

"Each problem has in it an opportunity so powerful

that it literally dwarfs the problem." ~J. Sugarman

·        Be Thankful.   Receive everything with gratitude - even challenges.  Start each day with giving thanks and your entire experience will significantly shift for the better.  It's not only scientifically proven, but supported by many of the most successful people in the world in every sort of realm.  Feel GREAT by being grateful.

"The single greatest thing you can do to change your life today

is to start being grateful for what you have right now." ~Oprah Winfrey

·        Have Preferences Instead of Needs.  Ask for what you want, but don't be unhappy if you don't get it.  Go with the flow and make the best with what you have.

"Do not spoil that which you have by desiring what you have not;

but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." ~Epicurus

·        Enjoy the Journey.  Keep going for what you want, but don't require a certain outcome to be attained before you allow yourself to feel happy.  Enjoy the whole time through.  Continuously strive for goals and growth - and treasure each step as part of a beautiful experience.  When you enjoy each step, you are excited to move forward and thus grow exponentially faster than the average.

"Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success. 

If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." ~A. Schweitzer

·        Select Your Focus.  You experience whatever it is you focus your attention on and invest your energy into.  Focus on CREATING that what you prefer rather than REACTING to that which you are not interested in or refuse.  By noticing things that irritate or attract you, you can make adjustments in your attitude and behaviors that help you grow. 

"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. 

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,

the world 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." ~C. Jung

·        Have Compassion.  Be compassionate to everyone, including yourself.  Choose to rise above the critical inner voice; change it to be supportive and kind.  Make a commitment today to love yourself and be your best friend.  Your entire life will change significantly and it will be much more enjoyable.   

"Every object, every being, is a jar full of delight." ~Rumi

·        Honor Feelings.  When things feel bad, be openly honest about what's going on.  Stop and tend to your feelings as soon as you can.  Tune in and see what needs adjusting.  Give yourself the conditions to compassionately deal with them.

"All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within." ~H. Friess

·        Speak Truth.  Be who you are; totally you.  You are completely unique and magnificently beautiful as you are.  Share your authentic being with the world and your loved ones.  When faced with challenges, stand up as who you are and share your feelings and perspective with others.  Live your truth.  We are all different pieces of the puzzle - each one essential and equally a part. 

"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."~Leo Buscaglia

·        Have Fun.  We all have our own funny characteristics and likes.  Enjoy your life.  Spend time with those who make you laugh.  Sing out loud, even if you sound terrible.  Watch your favorite comedian.   Live your life as art and share it with others.  Squeeze smiles, laughs, and fun into every moment you can.  Lighten up and don't take yourself too seriously.

"Happiness is not in the mere possession of money;

it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort."~ Franklin Roosevelt

·        Be in Service.   Give back and make life a little better for someone else each day.  Dedicate your time and efforts to those you can help.  Leave a wake of goodwill.

"Happiness cannot come from without.  It must come from within.

It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy;

it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves."

~Helen Keller

When challenges arise, as they always do, take them as opportunities to build your character and grow.  

Increase Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Highlights from Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Gean Greaves

Emotional intelligence is the #1 predictor of professional success and personal excellence.  By learning to deal with emotions creatively, we leverage our intelligence in the most beneficial way.

• The daily challenge of dealing effectively with emotions is critical because our brains are hard-wired in a way that information passes through our emotions before it reaches our reason.  
• The communication between the emotional and rational centers of the brain is the source of  emotional intelligence (EQ).  We have control over the thoughts that follow an emotion and how we react to an emotion, as long as we are aware of it.    
• As EQ skills grow, we learn to spot our triggers and practice productive ways of responding that become habitual.
• 90% of high performers are also high in EQ.

As we build our EQ skills, our brain builds new connections for information to travel between the rational and emotional sections of our mind.  These pathways strenghten based on frequency of use, when we do something productive with our feelings.

The Four Emotional Intelligence Skills

• Self Awareness - 
• Self-awareness is the ability to accurately perceive our own emotions in the moment and understand our tendencies across situations.  It's important to understand why something gets a reaction out of us.  Emotions serve a purpose.
• People with high self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons.  The more we understand the beauty and blemishes, the better we are able to achieve our full potential. 

• Self Management - 
• Self-management is the ability to use the awareness of our emotions to stay flexible and direct our behavior positively.  
• Real results come from putting momentary needs on hold to pursue larger, more important goals.

• Social Awareness - 
• Social awareness is the ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.  It requires an understanding of what others are feeling, even when we don't feel the same way, and even while we're in the middle of the interaction.
• Listening and observing are the most important elements.  

• Relationship Management - 
• Relationship management is the ability to use the awareness of our own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.  It's expressed through the bond we build with others after time.
• It is a product of the quality, depth, and time we spend interacting with another person.

You can get a free EQ test when you purchase the book.  There is also a ton of details to walk you through any area that you might want to dig into as well as building an action plan.  I highly recommend it! :) 

Time to Reflect and Relax

I met a ten year old boy at the Annual Swallow's Day Parade in San Juan Capistrano yesterday.  He was a great conversationalist and asked me casually when my Spring Break was.  I automatically replied with, "I'm old.  We don't get Spring Breaks."  It took me a day to consider that maybe I should rethink my approach.

I'm very thorough with my daily and weekly plans, yet totally neglect planning extra curricular activities.  I realized that I do want to have Spring Break and Winter Break to look forward to.  We hardly take vacations.  We recently booked a trip for few days in Palm Desert and it has already worked wonders to give me something to look forward to.

So here is draft one of my annual activity calendar:

• January
• Jim's Birthday Dinner
• February
• Parent's Weekend - Valentine's Trip (Vegas)
• March
• Jason & Jill's Birthday Dinners 
• April
• Spring Break - Family Trip (Palm Desert)
• Dad and Alli's Birthday Dinner
• May
• Family Weekend - Camping Trip 
• AJ's Birthday Party
• June
• Family Beach Days
• Family Picture
• July
• Washington - Family Trip - July 4th
• August
• Luke's Birthday Party
• September
• Parent's Weekend - Getaway (Havasu)
• October
• Family Activity - Zoo or Museum
• Emily's Birthday Dinner
• November
• Thanksgiving Break - Holidays at Home; Family Gatherings
• December
• Decorate the House/Tree (Dani's Birthday Dinner)
• Colin's Birthday Party
• Winter Break - Holidays at Home; Family Gatherings

To be continued.  Would love your suggestions. :)